Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Quit You

I miss you

But I don't

Because I don't really miss you

I miss what I wanted you, so badly, to be

I miss the glimpses

I miss the way you held me

I miss the way it felt when you knew exactly what to say

What to do

How to look at me

And I want you to hold me again

I feel as though I'm bubbling over

With just how much I want you here again

But I know it wouldn't be honest

It wouldn't be true

It wouldn't be real

Because it never was

But even still, I hope

That maybe there were moments

When you really meant the things you said

And you really cared the way you said you did

Why do I keep checking in on you

Why do I keep wondering how you are

Why do I keep hoping you're okay

That you don't let the things I said settle too deeply

Or begin to define you

Because while I meant them, I know you never meant to

And if I'm truly honest with myself, I know you cared as much as me

You just didn't know how to show it

But it's so much safer to call it all a lie

But again, I find myself here

At this crossroads

Of knowing exactly what it is I want

But knowing that it's exactly what you could not give

It's unfair for you to show me pieces of what you're capable of

And never follow through

I want to tell you

I want to see you

I want to touch you

But I won't

I shouldn't

And anyway, I can't

You left

And there's nothing more that I can do

I don't know how to forgive you like I want to

I don't know how to forget you like I need to

I don't know how to quit you

At all

I don't want to quit you

At all

I don't know if I will quit you

At all

But I must

Because it seems as though you quit me

A long time ago

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