Wednesday, December 23, 2009

They Always Go Again

This is from way back in September 2007
But in light of recent events and recent restorations,
I feel it's time to give it some air.
I am in love with this piece now.
Thank you, Jesus.
It's all over now. :)

It's just another one of those nights
I have grown quite accostomed to them by now, you know
They keep me company on occasion
Like an old friend who just drops in unannounced every so often
Bringing with him stories and memories and emotions that he doesnt bother to take with him when he goes again
Just like he always does.
He always goes again.

Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm okay.
Really, I am.
I smile and laugh much more than you might think.
And I am truly so content that it is almost uncanny.
But the thing is though, that every now and then, I remember your eyes.
And I swear to you, as crazy as it may sound, I can sometimes hear your voice.
And it calls my heart to it so distinctly and directly...
And wouldn't you know it?
That little heart of mine just drops everything and runs fast and hard straight on until morning!
But really, can you blame that silly little heart of mine?
It was trained so well.
So well.
And you cant really expect it to forget all of that quite so soon, can you?

But back to those eyes.
Oh, goodness, those eyes.
They scared the shit out of me.
Still do.
But now, it's because I am afraid they will never scare me in that good way again.
But you know what I loved the most?
When they were the scared ones.
That was when they were the most beautiful.
Which reminds me...
How did you get them to be so blue, anyway?
How did you get them to be so honest?

I want you to know that it was never difficult caring for you.
I know you always thought so, but you thought wrong.
When I said "I like you just the way you are", I meant it
I still mean it.
And I mean it in the most literal sense possible.
"Just the way you are"
Including where you are.
Even though it hurts a little more.
Know why?
Because once you left, your heart came alive.
And it was the most beautiful thing I have seen in a long long time.

Sometimes I wish for too many things.
I know, I know, hard to believe right?
Shut up, smart ass, and listen.
Sometimes I wish for too many things.
But it is absolutely necessary for you to understand something, alright?
So listen close because it is important.
I want you to know that If I could...
I wouldn't.
I'm serious.
I really wouldn't wish to change a thing.
And trust me, I cant even believe that I am saying this either.
But it's true!
Does it hurt?
Ha. Fuck. Yes. BUT.
I love you too damn much to start thinking that either one of us would be better off if you were here.

So, please, I am going to have to ask you to just kindly disregard the fact that I'm crying.
It just kind of happens from time to time.
Nothing to get worked up over, really.
Nothing to worry about, nothing to see.
Because like I said, it's just one of those nights, that's all.
I swear, they just come out of nowhere!
Sneaky little devils.
But we have an understanding.
They only stay for a little while, make their mess, and then, just as quickly as they came, they are on their way again.
Just like they always do.
They always go again.

Would it be too much for me to tell you that I miss you?
Because I do.
A whole lot.
I feel like you should probably know that.
And you should probably know that I am so very excited for you, too.
For everything!
I cannot wait to see what you and Jesus do together next.
Man, you love Him so much.
It is so inspiring.
You are inspiring.
You are a miracle.
I am continually fascinated by you.
Take the compliment.
I know it makes you uncomfortable, but take it anyway.
And just give credit Where credit is due.

Thank you for choosing obedience over easy.
Thank you for choosing "right" over me.
It would have broken my heart to pieces if you hadn't.
Thank you for just being you.

I hope I get to hug you soon.
It would be lovely.
If you want to know a secret, I am constantly praying for God to make everything lovely for you.
No matter what it is you are doing.
Even when you're sleeping.
In fact, you're probably sleeping right now, considering it is almost two in the morning where you are.
I hope the dream you are having right now is lovely.
I hope the temperature in your room is just right for you to feel comfortable
And that you finally got a decent pillow to sleep on.
I hope that those hooligan neighbors of yours are not making too much noise
And that the light that comes through your window in the morning doesn't do that annoying thing where it shines directly into your eyes making it impossible to stay asleep for as long as you would like to.
I hope it shines in that way that makes everything ordinary look magical.

I hope that lots and lots of small little lovely things happen to you tomorrow.
Like a cool breeze that comes out of nowhere the exact moment that you realize you are a little too warm than you would like to be.
(I heard it has been hot up there these past few days.)
Or seeing an exceptionally beautiful sunset.
You always notice things like that.
It is one of my favourite things about you.
But trust me, there's many more.

Anyway, I think it is about time for this night to be over.
It wasn't so bad this time, actually.
They are slowly and steadily becoming nicer to me when they decide to visit.
Or maybe I am just learning to enjoy their company more.
They really aren't so bad, come to think of it.
They never stay long.
Just long enough to make me think about you.
But I don't mind much.
Because when I get to think about you, I get to pray for you.
And I am so glad to be able to.

The thought of your joy makes me smile.
I pray it fills your heart.
Peace, too.
I love you, really I do.
And don't worry, there is plenty more where this came from.
Give it time and I will have even more things to say.
Maybe someday, I can actually say them to you.
Until then, goodnight, you.
I have high hopes for tomorrow.
I think this one's gonna be good...

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