Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Sorrow

We must not underestimate the weight of the importance to "know how it feels".
Without Jesus' own desire for such... we would be at an eternal loss.
The funny thing is though, that in our pursuit of Him, often times we miss this essential component of becoming LIKE Him.
To suffer His sufferings and to feel His sorrows.
We miss this... because we would simply rather not.

And who could blame us?
It's uncomfortable.
It hurts.
It's lonley.
It's everything out heart clamors to run away from.

But I am quickly becoming incredibly aware of how deceiving the illusion of comfort and safety really is.
Not only that... but how dangerous it is for us to choose to believe the deception.
Because it is NOTHING like the life that Jesus Himself chose.
Even as I write this, I notice its absurdity and how much my heart, body, mind, and spirit want to deny deny deny.
To read between the lines of His words.
To find something else... anything else... that fits my hand like a better suited glove.
One that I chose for myself.
One that I prefer.

But see, thats the thing.
I surrendered that right a long time ago.
Along with all my others.
And it is not my place to try and take it back.
And even though often times I have tried, I have failed.
Because it is in those times that I try to function alone... left to the weaknesses that used to define me.

What if I took You up on it for once?
What if I ventured out under the umbrella of Your Word and Your promises ONLY?
What if I actually let you BE the God You have promised me You are strong enough to be?

I have been too afraid of the lonliness.
That has been my functioning deception.
But Jesus chose the ultimate lonliness.
To be away from his Father, from glory.
To walk a place riddled and covered with the sin He had never known.
To be constantly and consistantly misunderstood... and left.
...To live a life of being left.
...To be left.

He was left.
He knew He would be left.
And He came anyway.
He knew the lonliness and uncomfort that awaited Him.
And He came anyway.

So how on earth have we turned that true Gospel of His own actions and decisions into empty rhetoric about how God's greatet desire is for us to be comfortable, clean, and happy?

There is something extremely unsettled that rises up in my spirit when I think of that.
It is not the Gospel that resonates in my heart as Truth.
Because it is not the true Gospel of my Jesus.
Of my LORD.

To suffer.
In order to truly understand Him and to feel His heart... and to honestly know Him in order to make Him known... we MUST suffer.
Without it, we cannot bring His kingdom, because we have no idea what it holds.

The great paradox of my God, however, is this... which I do not now, nor never expect to understand until I reach completion:
In the midst of that suffering... there is joy.
Inside of the sorrow... comfort.
Life. True and abundant life.

I will admit now that I have NO idea what that means.
It goes against every single way my mind has been trained to process happiness.
But I serve a God who turned the world on its head when He sent His son to bring His kingdom.
The rules and laws of my nature no longer apply.

I will admit also, that part of the reason why I have no idea what that means, is because I have never tasted it.
I have never truly chosen it.
I dont have the slightest clue what it means for Him to give me HIS life... and HIS joy... and HIS comfort... because I have been too busy chasing after mine.
And too afraid to stop.

But I serve a God who does not lie.
Who cannot decieve.
And He has promised all these things and more.

I don't understand it at all.
I don't have the slightest clue how it even begins to work this way.
It makes absolutely no sense to my head...But something in my heart is shouting louder than ever before right now.
Telling me try Him at His word for once.

To embrace what I do not know.
To trust what I cannot see.
In order to gain what I could not imagine.

Fairest Lord Jesus, where do I begin?

Let me feel your sorrow.
I want to know your heart.
It's deepest depths.
Let me feel the pains that are held there.

And hold nothing back.

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